When I started my journey of hope and healing, I knew I was in for a ride. It’s been bumpy yet invigorating. There is always another level of growth, healing and discovery. When my pain became my purpose and my mess my ministry, things really got real! The pressure to retreat has been great; but I push forward despite setbacks, disappointment and fear.
Sometimes, my journey feels lonely. Like many, my most difficult moments are spent alone. But just as I had to choose this journey of hope, healing and living in purpose alone, of my own afford, that’s how I must live it. No one can make me stay dedicated and focused or maintain my drive – that’s all on me. When the lonely, frustrating, scary and extremely uncertain moments come, it is I who must choose to either retreat or push forward.
Feelings are real – I’ll never discount them. But where I am and where I’m going can never be contingent on what I feel, my fears or my perception of difficulty.
I have come a long way from where I began 8 years ago. I had become hard, angry, bitter, untrusting of people, negative and was simply just existing. My heart was broken and I had lost confidence in love, men and having the opportunity to experience a healthy relationship. I was all over the place. I’m so grateful to be where I am today. My heart has been mended, my mind restored, and my faith in love stronger than ever. Not every day is easy and, emotionally, I struggle. My past and its wounds affect me daily; but I have chosen to move forward.
I am a witness that if you want to live a healthy and happy life it’s possible. It really is a choice. I have chosen to no longer be the victim, think like the victim or make choices as if I’m still the victim. I choose to conquer. I choose to put me and my well-being first. I choose to do the things that make me happy. I choose to admit when I’m wrong, when I’m sad and when I’m tired of the journey. I choose to embrace my truth and focus on solutions. I choose to win. As a result, I help others win. I help others move forward and I teach them how to take control of their lives.
I never imagined that the broken, fragile, depressed girl that I was would become a woman of strength. I never imagined I’d become a woman of substance. I never imagined that I could take my weaknesses, failures, triumps, ups and downs and use them to help others find their way to a better life.
So much of my journey has been influenced by God and His love for me. He loved me so much that he taught me how to love myself. He loved me so much that even when I was broken and bitter and didn’t want love he loved me. He loves me even when I make mistakes and poor choices. His love helps me navigate through the storms of life.
The point is that you don’t have to stay where you are. Reflect on your life. Think about where you’ve been and where you want to go. Make decisions today that will positively affect your tomorrow. Be in control of your life. Don’t allow anyone to dictate your mood, your worth or decide what’s best for you. Live! None of this will happen overnight. The journey will be hard. There will be difficult moments. What matters most is that you keep moving. What matters is that you’re honest with yourself and that you stay focused on your destination. Focus on health and healing, happiness and being whole. You can do it! Don’t stop. Even if you move slowly, just keep going.
(If you find that you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out to someone. Don’t try to handle the tough stuff all alone.)