I am not thrilled with my new driver’s license photo. However, I noticed a difference in my smiles. The photo on the right was taken in 2013. That morning I cried my eyes out. I was not happy and I was distraught in my current situation. Life was crazy and I did not want to take another breath. I was beyond done with life. But through God’s grace and mercy, He blessed me with dear girlfriends that are tried and true. Continue reading “God and good friends”
Abuse in Hindsight
Before falling in love, like for real love, I had several notions of what it’d be like. I imagined how happy we’d be, how much we’d enjoy talking with each other throughout the day and how fun our dates would be. Love would find me and usher me into a realm of perfect, blissful living. Naïve, yes, and a bit fanciful, but it was my dream. I was looking forward to escaping the pain and difficulty of my life by diving into a relationship and finding solace in someone’s love for me. I knew true love existed and I was confident it’d bring me my happily ever after.
But It’s Not the Way I Imagined It!
Letting go of our expectations is hard. Detaching ourselves from mental and emotional fantasies is rough. Coming to terms with the reality that what you were so sure would be will not be is more than a notion. Working to understand that what we hoped for may not be what’s best for us presents us with unbelievable adjustments. However, our career paths, relationship statuses, financial outlook and physical states are very seldom what we planned.
An Open Letter to Love
I’m not sure how long this letter will be. There’s so much I want to say yet so little. The straightforward version would be, “Dear Love, I need you. I want you.”
It’s only right, however, that I give you more details. Truthfully, I already have you; it’s just that I need and want you in another way, on another level. I want your romantic version. I want the part of you that’s passionate. I want your butterflies. I want the love that will make me perfect in his eyes. The love that, no matter how much my external being changes, will cause my lover to always see me as beautiful. Love that makes them honor, adore and care for me. Continue reading “An Open Letter to Love”
What Is Love, Anyway?!
“While some long for an introduction, others take its acquaintance lightly. Love desires to be known and be recognized. However, just as it will never hide, it will never demand our attention. Love waits patiently for an opportunity to enter our lives and shine its light.”
-Melissa E. Hall
Love isn’t designed to be complicated. It isn’t a maze. Either it exists or it doesn’t. Love is kind, gentle, lifts up, celebrates goodness, gives, listens to, corrects, offers hope, is patient, never hides but seeks to show itself. Love isn’t pretty words; it’s action that will never cause or allow intentional abuse. Love won’t selfishly take, always asking for more and giving little to nothing in return. It won’t leave you empty, but rather, it fills. Continue reading “What Is Love, Anyway?!”
I want to talk about relationships. Yes, that subject. Everybody is talking, asking questions and giving advise. I want to do something similar but I want to speak to your heart. Will you let me? There are some things I feel compelled to tell you.
Relationships matter. They get a little complicated and complex but they are important. Whether they be a romantic, familial or friend-based relationship, they serve an important purpose in our lives. It’s crucial that they’re healthy ones. I have had my share of healthy and unhealthy relationships. I have allowed them too little, and at times, too much importance in my life. I have been blessed and I have been abused by those relationships. I’ve made good choices and I’ve made bad choices. All in all, I have learned how to be a better person. I have also learned to require more from other people.
What are your relationship dynamics like? Do you add to others’ quality of life? Are your relationships based on neediness and what you can get from one another or love, mutual concern and respect? Relationships are tools to help us build, they are not catch-all closets that we dump junk and excess into. Relationships, although challenging sometimes, are designed to make life more fulfilling. A healthy relationship allows opportunity for elevation – not degradation.
How do you know if a relationship is healthy or not? Personally, I like to focus on its effect on my life, on my psyche, on my confidence and its effect on who I am as a person overall. If a relationship is making me uncomfortable, unhappy or makes me feel less of a person then it is not healthy and it is not for me. If the relationship threatens or smothers my individuality then it’s an unhealthy one. If I have to question who I am, it’s a wrap! Consider this: If you cry more than you laugh, there’s a problem. If you fight more than you enjoy their company, then it’s time to walk away. I think you get it. Allow your heart and logic to work together – they will tell you the truth. They will tell you if your life has become more or less than.
Never trade happiness and peace of mind for a relationship, emotional or sexual stimulation, and temporary pacifiers. You are worth more than meaningless relations. You deserve friendship, support, love, loyalty, respect and a sense of family. Never forget it. Take time to evaluate your life and your relationships. You won’t be disappointed.
I’m rooting for you and hoping you’ll root for me, too.
A little story about love…
Love is a very powerful emotion that when used properly it will break chains and mend hearts. I’m sure most of us can recall a few broken hearts and a few warm thoughts of our first love. We anticipate the love from another person and to receive the same love in return. Due to life, love has its ups and downs. The most successful relationships are those who understand the core meaning of love. I’m not a love expert, but I believe love is the ability to give unconditional love. Anything else is not considered love.
In my lifetime I have seen love come and go. My heart was broken a few times and I too broke a few hearts. Through the course of love I have learned to love unconditionally and how to receive love easier than in the past. I first had to love my Creator, who first loved me. In Him I learned to love myself. How can one not love something created by The Most High God? There was a time when I had no idea of how precious His existence was and how precious I am in His eyes. I looked at the worst of me instead of the best of me so it was impossible to see why I was capable of being loved. I realize many people do the same in their relationships. They look at the worst circumstances and all the flaws instead of meditating on the beauty; they meditate on the ugly, which causes love to die. Just think how exciting and peaceful your relationship can be when you focus on the beauty and allow love to grow and mature. Just like any living thing, love needs to be fed or it will starve to death.
Love is a gift not a heavy burden. So, love the one you are with and cherish the beautiful moments. Allow the love to grow and not die. Love yourself in the same manner and watch your life prosper in love. If you find this to become impossible seek the love of God to led you. After all He is the Creator of love and He commands us to love. I’m sure the love He commands of us is not conditional. The more you love the easier it will become to love those who are the hardest to love. Be kind. Be patient. Be gentle. Be love.