An Open Letter to Love

Dear Love,

I’m not sure how long this letter will be. There’s so much I want to say yet so little. The straightforward version would be, “Dear Love, I need you. I want you.

It’s only right, however, that I give you more details. Truthfully, I already have you; it’s just that I need and want you in another way, on another level. I want your romantic version. I want the part of you that’s passionate. I want your butterflies. I want the love that will make me perfect in his eyes. The love that, no matter how much my external being changes, will cause my lover to always see me as beautiful. Love that makes them honor, adore and care for me.  Continue reading “An Open Letter to Love”

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You Should Be More than Just a Beautiful Face

Throughout my life, I’ve experienced several phases of attraction. For instance, I was quite smitten by older women. Some of the most well-known names include Angela Bassett, Gina Torres, Jennifer Aniston, Oprah, Selma Hayek, Nia Long, Michael Michele, and Lucy Liu.

Halle Berry’s name seems to be on everyone’s list, when the discussion involves attractive female celebrities. Yet, there’s a consistent question people ask about certain celebrity women, due to the nature of their romantic relationships.

“Why would any guy mess up a relationship with someone so attractive?” Pause right there, and think about the question for a moment. A relationship has many variables, but the only one being discussed is physical beauty.

I want to share something in today’s post, which you can reject or reflect on. Try not to focus entirely on this notion of being hot, attractive, sexy, etc. This part of you is a given.

What does this mean? You already know that first impressions are usually based on what people can see, in their decision to determine if they’re attracted to someone or not.

Although I can admit that physical appearance has a role to play in a relationship, I believe too much focus is placed on physicality sometimes. In doing so, you may undermine other key elements that are better representations, in determining the success of a long-term and blissful relationship.

Countless men are physically attracted to Ms. Berry, but she has yet to have a successful relationship. What can this tell you? You can be one of the most physically desired women on the planet, but that alone isn’t enough. There are countless magazines and books telling you how to catch a man, by grabbing his physical attention.

How many of these formats are helping you keep one? You don’t need an expert to tell you that males are visual creatures, and think about sex more than females on average.

Yet, this is what they keep feeding you. Through this conditioning where it emphasizes being physically stunning, many of you will remain relationship malnourished. Why?

It’s not immensely difficult to catch his visual attention. However, it requires something extra on your part, if the goal is to hold his attention beyond sexual stimulation. These formats should focus more on building your personality, how to communicate more effectively, or how to see beyond your perspective in a relationship.

An emotionally mature man will need more than a pretty face, if his objective involves a long-term outlook with you. Always keep in mind that there’s more to you than physical appearance.

Should you be interested in his relationship perspective?

As I look back on my life and my peers, I’ve realized that a guy’s emotional perspective for romantic relationships follow three main paths. On the first road, he may choose to be a pushover or someone’s doormat.

In this scenario, he removes all remnants of his identity, as a way to appease a love interest. He feels this is what people want in the dating pool, so he figuratively removes his spine and politely places it inside your purse. In my experience, I haven’t encountered a woman or girl who actually finds this perspective appealing.

On the second road, you have what many call a dog. This individual is the opposite of a pushover because with him, he’s entirely out for his own benefit. He’s uninterested in your likes and dislikes because in his mind, everything appears insignificant to his wellbeing. He’s the kind of guy you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy.

We then get to the third route. In my opinion, this is one of the most difficult aspects within the human experience. This is where the guy is able to find a balance of sorts, when it involves his relationship perspective. It requires a heightened degree of maturation. After all, it’s a daily process that’ll remain throughout his entire lifetime.

In my opinion, life is about finding a balance. It took me a long time to make this realization. Some guys want to be a dog or a pushover, and that’s their prerogative. I hope they’ll evolve of course, but this is the way of the world. Some people will remain set in their ways regardless of the repercussions surrounding their actions.

It’s easy to fall on opposite ends of any spectrum, but the key and difficulty will arrive upon embracing one’s balance. I’ve been around enough guys to pinpoint the culprit, where a guy will swing to one side of this relationship spectrum, as opposed to figuring out the possibility of a balance.

In my opinion, it comes down to a lack of positive male mentors. We can debate this until the cows come home. However, when a boy learns and takes on the destructive ideas of a male that he wants to emulate, it usually becomes part of his consciousness.

It’s quite difficult to erase this conditioning, but it isn’t impossible. From the onset of the relationship, please be vigilant in understanding which of the three main paths he has decided to follow.

Is It Your Imagination, or Is He Really into You?

When you prepare a meal for someone, or commemorate a special occasion over dinner at a restaurant, how are you able to determine if this person is enjoying the meal?

Perhaps it’s the way that his or her face lights up with each bite. Perhaps you listen to the positive sounds, which we’ll convey while experiencing something pleasurable.

You can also tell by how quickly the food disappears. Sometimes, it occurs simply with “this tastes incredible.” Sometimes, it’s direct. However, it may also appear through indirect signals. Depending on the guy and the nature of your relationship, his interest will occur in a similar fashion for you.

At times, it’s simply the way that he looks at you. In that moment, he wouldn’t even notice a spacecraft hovering from behind. He’s too wrapped up in your aura to notice. Other times, it’s his ability to find time to share with you, even when you know that he has a million other things on his plate.

It could be the way that he commits to his words. He won’t just say that he feels this way, or that he’s going to do this for you. He likes to validate his words with actions.

It could be his willingness to convey how he feels about you in public, without feeling concerned about what anyone else thinks about his vocal expression of admiration.

It may even occur when he introduces you as his girlfriend, to his friends and family without having any hesitation. It could occur through his sense of shyness, whenever you seem to enter his line of sight.

These are merely some of the ways to know if he’s into you. If you have to force yourself to believe that he is, or make up explanations for an imaginary admiration, the likelihood is that he isn’t into you.

Whether he’s emotionally mature or immature, there are many ways that a guy will show that he’s interested.

Do men consider commitment important in a relationship?

To answer the crucial question involving a man’s commitment to you, the response will depend entirely on your expectations. In other words, you play a role in determining the answer to this question. How important of a role do you play?

Your role is actually significant. Regardless if he’s emotionally mature or immature, you lay the groundwork for how a man can and will treat you. What does this mean? If you’re unconcerned about having someone’s romantic commitment and you make this vocally clear, you have a greater probability of attracting partners with a similar mindset.

Therefore, these potential partners will treat you in a noncommittal fashion. However, what happens if you view commitment as a priority? What happens in a situation where you make your expectations clear, involving the important role of someone’s romantic commitment?

In this scenario, you’re likely to attract and maintain the long-term interest of suitors with a similar mindset. What does all this mean? The extent of his commitment will depend on your communication, and whether you clearly convey your expectations from the onset.

If you convey your feelings on the commitment that you expect from a man, he’s far more likely to adhere to the standard behaviour presented. The key in this sentence is clear communication. If you require his commitment, but you refuse to make your expectations clear, this man is far more likely to set the blueprint going forward. Usually, it’s not in your best interest to allow someone else, to dictate how you should be treated.

Is his commitment to you and your connection important? Well, it depends. If you make it important, it will be important to him. If you don’t make commitment a priority to him, he’s less likely to view commitment as a requirement. If something is essential to you and you convey its importance, a man is far more likely to understand its significance.

What does a Man want from you in the long-Term?

The first thing that may come to mind for a number of individuals is sexual gratification. If you removed the last four words in the title, you’d be correct. Studies show that males on average think about sex, more often than their female counterparts.

However, my question has a key component that seems foreign in the way, which females misunderstand the emotional dynamic of the average male. You’ll only focus on the first portion of the question, but overlook the question in its entirety. In other words, if you think sex is what he wants from you in the long-term, you’re already setting yourself up for failure.

In my previous post touching on the importance of his emotional maturity in the relationship, time and reflection will teach him that there’s an entire world awaiting him, behind his sexual desires.

When a guy hasn’t yet discovered himself through the journey of his emotional evolution, sex is what he finds most important about you. In my opinion, some may even view sex as the only thing that you have of value.

However, through self-reflection, he learns that sex is only part of your relationship dynamic. Sex is what he wants and can have for the night, but what he truly wants in the long-term goes far beyond the bedroom.

There are countless things that come to mind, but I’ll briefly touch on two. First, he wants your companionship. Yes, you might be his girlfriend or wife, but you must be his friend first and always. In my opinion, his girlfriend or wife is his best friend.

Secondly, he wants your support. In my experience, some women and girls don’t understand the important role that they play, when it involves supporting their partner’s goals and objectives. When you believe in him, you add another layer in his life where he can believe that anything is possible.

What does he want from you in the long-term? Sex is important, but he can receive that on any given night from anyone. What does a man truly want? He wants you. The sooner you begin to understand this, the healthier your interaction with him becomes.

Dr. Drai’s ‘Medical T’ tickled the ears of Chicago

To say the least, many faces of the attendees of Dr. Drai‘s “Medical T” Live Tour in Chicago turned various shades of red. In only a manner in which Dr. Drai can display, he served up some very strong tea. His “GYNIEGirls” “Gents” and “Preggos”, whom he affectionately nicknamed, sat on the edge of their seats in anticipation. At the Nouveau Tavern & Grill on Sept. 25, Dr. Drai schooled the crowd with intimate details.

Continue reading “Dr. Drai’s ‘Medical T’ tickled the ears of Chicago”