An Open Letter to Love

Dear Love,

I’m not sure how long this letter will be. There’s so much I want to say yet so little. The straightforward version would be, “Dear Love, I need you. I want you.

It’s only right, however, that I give you more details. Truthfully, I already have you; it’s just that I need and want you in another way, on another level. I want your romantic version. I want the part of you that’s passionate. I want your butterflies. I want the love that will make me perfect in his eyes. The love that, no matter how much my external being changes, will cause my lover to always see me as beautiful. Love that makes them honor, adore and care for me.  Continue reading “An Open Letter to Love”

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What Is Love, Anyway?!

“While some long for an introduction, others take its acquaintance lightly. Love desires to be known and be recognized. However, just as it will never hide, it will never demand our attention. Love waits patiently for an opportunity to enter our lives and shine its light.”

-Melissa E. Hall

Love isn’t designed to be complicated. It isn’t a maze. Either it exists or it doesn’t. Love is kind, gentle, lifts up, celebrates goodness, gives, listens to,  corrects, offers hope, is patient, never hides but seeks to show itself. Love isn’t pretty words; it’s action that will never cause or allow intentional abuse. Love won’t selfishly take, always asking for more and giving little to nothing in return. It won’t leave you empty, but rather, it fills. Continue reading “What Is Love, Anyway?!”

Relationships 100

I want to talk about relationships. Yes, that subject. Everybody is talking, asking questions and giving advise. I want to do something similar but I want to speak to your heart. Will you let me? There are some things I feel compelled to tell you.

Relationships matter. They get a little complicated and complex but they are important. Whether they be a romantic, familial or friend-based relationship, they serve an important purpose in our lives. It’s crucial that they’re healthy ones. I have had my share of healthy and unhealthy relationships. I have allowed them too little, and at times, too much importance in my life. I have been blessed and I have been abused by those relationships. I’ve made good choices and I’ve made bad choices. All in all, I have learned how to be a better person. I have also learned to require more from other people.

What are your relationship dynamics like? Do you add to others’ quality of life? Are your relationships based on neediness and what you can get from one another or love, mutual concern and respect? Relationships are tools to help us build, they are not catch-all closets that we dump junk and excess into. Relationships, although challenging sometimes, are designed to make life more fulfilling. A healthy relationship allows opportunity for elevation – not degradation.

How do you know if a relationship is healthy or not? Personally, I like to focus on its effect on my life, on my psyche, on my confidence and its effect on who I am as a person overall. If a relationship is making me uncomfortable, unhappy or makes me feel less of a person then it is not healthy and it is not for me. If the relationship threatens or smothers my individuality then it’s an unhealthy one. If I have to question who I am, it’s a wrap! Consider this: If you cry more than you laugh, there’s a problem. If you fight more than you enjoy their company, then it’s time to walk away. I think you get it. Allow your heart and logic to work together – they will tell you the truth. They will tell you if your life has become more or less than.

Never trade happiness and peace of mind for a relationship, emotional or sexual stimulation, and temporary pacifiers. You are worth more than meaningless relations. You deserve friendship, support, love, loyalty, respect and a sense of family. Never forget it. Take time to evaluate your life and your relationships. You won’t be disappointed.

I’m rooting for you and hoping you’ll root for me, too.

Missy

You Should Be More than Just a Beautiful Face

Throughout my life, I’ve experienced several phases of attraction. For instance, I was quite smitten by older women. Some of the most well-known names include Angela Bassett, Gina Torres, Jennifer Aniston, Oprah, Selma Hayek, Nia Long, Michael Michele, and Lucy Liu.

Halle Berry’s name seems to be on everyone’s list, when the discussion involves attractive female celebrities. Yet, there’s a consistent question people ask about certain celebrity women, due to the nature of their romantic relationships.

“Why would any guy mess up a relationship with someone so attractive?” Pause right there, and think about the question for a moment. A relationship has many variables, but the only one being discussed is physical beauty.

I want to share something in today’s post, which you can reject or reflect on. Try not to focus entirely on this notion of being hot, attractive, sexy, etc. This part of you is a given.

What does this mean? You already know that first impressions are usually based on what people can see, in their decision to determine if they’re attracted to someone or not.

Although I can admit that physical appearance has a role to play in a relationship, I believe too much focus is placed on physicality sometimes. In doing so, you may undermine other key elements that are better representations, in determining the success of a long-term and blissful relationship.

Countless men are physically attracted to Ms. Berry, but she has yet to have a successful relationship. What can this tell you? You can be one of the most physically desired women on the planet, but that alone isn’t enough. There are countless magazines and books telling you how to catch a man, by grabbing his physical attention.

How many of these formats are helping you keep one? You don’t need an expert to tell you that males are visual creatures, and think about sex more than females on average.

Yet, this is what they keep feeding you. Through this conditioning where it emphasizes being physically stunning, many of you will remain relationship malnourished. Why?

It’s not immensely difficult to catch his visual attention. However, it requires something extra on your part, if the goal is to hold his attention beyond sexual stimulation. These formats should focus more on building your personality, how to communicate more effectively, or how to see beyond your perspective in a relationship.

An emotionally mature man will need more than a pretty face, if his objective involves a long-term outlook with you. Always keep in mind that there’s more to you than physical appearance.

Shall we dance?

He approaches me with a grin that is very common on men who are on the prowl. I make a quick decision to entertain him or dismiss the assumed immature pick up line that is soon to follow. It truly amazes me how men in today’s society are completely lacking tact and romance. No brain power or kind efforts are even delivered in most initial approaches. Have women really single-handedly created these monsters?

Some women are lonely and tend to settle for anything men throw their way. Back in the day, women wore their dignity proudly. Today, women are more concerned with “fleeking” out their makeup and weaving it up to gain the most “likes” and whistles. To be honest it appears these women can care less from where the attention comes, just as long as it comes. So they dance and entertain random fools because they are bored or lonely.

There is nothing wrong with being lonely. I myself get lonely at times and find myself entertaining men that are not deserving of my time or energy. The danger in this is cultivating this in your daily life. Dancing with a fool for too long will lead you down a road of disaster and unhappiness. Dancing with a fool may also distract you from accepting a dance from a prince.

We are not doomed if we find ourselves dancing along side the wrong partner. Just don’t stay on the same beat. Quickly change partners even if that partner is yourself. It is ok to be alone. In this time you are exposed to the different layers of yourself. You become more in tune to who you are and what you need versus what you want. Earlier I stated it is ok if you have entertained fools, because there is a lesson to be learned from it. That lesson is usually created to teach you not to settle and introduce you to your worth. Be wise and flow with the process, don’t fight it and get off beat. The best dance is often one that is most emotional and uniquely performed.

So back to this grinning cat who approached me. He walks over to me and asks me to move over. I was blocking his view. The nerve of him!

Should you be interested in his relationship perspective?

As I look back on my life and my peers, I’ve realized that a guy’s emotional perspective for romantic relationships follow three main paths. On the first road, he may choose to be a pushover or someone’s doormat.

In this scenario, he removes all remnants of his identity, as a way to appease a love interest. He feels this is what people want in the dating pool, so he figuratively removes his spine and politely places it inside your purse. In my experience, I haven’t encountered a woman or girl who actually finds this perspective appealing.

On the second road, you have what many call a dog. This individual is the opposite of a pushover because with him, he’s entirely out for his own benefit. He’s uninterested in your likes and dislikes because in his mind, everything appears insignificant to his wellbeing. He’s the kind of guy you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy.

We then get to the third route. In my opinion, this is one of the most difficult aspects within the human experience. This is where the guy is able to find a balance of sorts, when it involves his relationship perspective. It requires a heightened degree of maturation. After all, it’s a daily process that’ll remain throughout his entire lifetime.

In my opinion, life is about finding a balance. It took me a long time to make this realization. Some guys want to be a dog or a pushover, and that’s their prerogative. I hope they’ll evolve of course, but this is the way of the world. Some people will remain set in their ways regardless of the repercussions surrounding their actions.

It’s easy to fall on opposite ends of any spectrum, but the key and difficulty will arrive upon embracing one’s balance. I’ve been around enough guys to pinpoint the culprit, where a guy will swing to one side of this relationship spectrum, as opposed to figuring out the possibility of a balance.

In my opinion, it comes down to a lack of positive male mentors. We can debate this until the cows come home. However, when a boy learns and takes on the destructive ideas of a male that he wants to emulate, it usually becomes part of his consciousness.

It’s quite difficult to erase this conditioning, but it isn’t impossible. From the onset of the relationship, please be vigilant in understanding which of the three main paths he has decided to follow.

Do men consider commitment important in a relationship?

To answer the crucial question involving a man’s commitment to you, the response will depend entirely on your expectations. In other words, you play a role in determining the answer to this question. How important of a role do you play?

Your role is actually significant. Regardless if he’s emotionally mature or immature, you lay the groundwork for how a man can and will treat you. What does this mean? If you’re unconcerned about having someone’s romantic commitment and you make this vocally clear, you have a greater probability of attracting partners with a similar mindset.

Therefore, these potential partners will treat you in a noncommittal fashion. However, what happens if you view commitment as a priority? What happens in a situation where you make your expectations clear, involving the important role of someone’s romantic commitment?

In this scenario, you’re likely to attract and maintain the long-term interest of suitors with a similar mindset. What does all this mean? The extent of his commitment will depend on your communication, and whether you clearly convey your expectations from the onset.

If you convey your feelings on the commitment that you expect from a man, he’s far more likely to adhere to the standard behaviour presented. The key in this sentence is clear communication. If you require his commitment, but you refuse to make your expectations clear, this man is far more likely to set the blueprint going forward. Usually, it’s not in your best interest to allow someone else, to dictate how you should be treated.

Is his commitment to you and your connection important? Well, it depends. If you make it important, it will be important to him. If you don’t make commitment a priority to him, he’s less likely to view commitment as a requirement. If something is essential to you and you convey its importance, a man is far more likely to understand its significance.